No Need To Worry

The LORD is my light and my salvation;

whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the strength of my life;

of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 27:1

I consider myself to be a woman of Faith. I know that God is first in my life and I long to live according to his will, I pray that my family and the life we lead pleases him... and I try daily to trust in him...

But as much as I try, to be a better person, daily I fail, daily I sin... but always, my Jesus welcomes me back with open arms...

When I think of the love of God, I think of my son... I always tell him "I love you so much" and I can look at him or think of him and start to cry realizing how very blessed I am to have been entrusted with his care and how fragile his life is. ...and then I think of my heavenly father, looking at me the same way I look at my son and telling me "I love you so much" with every bit of love in his heart and every ounce of hope in his being wanting nothing but the best for me, hoping that every day, I turn to him and feel the warmth, comfort and safety of his everlasting embrace...

What should I fear?

Change isn't always for the better...

but it is a part of life. Wow, it has been a crazy week...to the day. Mom had her surgery last Monday and it sure has sent our lives on another path yet again. I look at her and I can't imagine her frustration... but mostly I miss my independent Mom, and it breaks my heart, because I know she misses her too. Whenever people asked me how many kids I had I used to joke and tell them 5, a 3 (now 4) year old son, a 21 year old brother in law, a 53 year old Brother, a fifty something mother in law and a 77 year old mom... because in my life i felt like I was trying to take care of them as best I could too... When Mom fell and had her stroke in August it sent things in motion, from her trying to get better to Noah having his seizure then Ernie passing away, then Momo's infection and hospitalization and the scare of her losing her foot, then mom's surgery and now her rehab... I thought I knew what being a caregiver was, but what Mom is going through now has put all of us somewhere we had never dreamed she would be. She is getting better, but I see now that she will never be the same Mom again. I am trying so hard to keep my chin up but I feel like we are fighting a battle that can't be won, Mom is aging and we have to accept that with that comes a different kind of living for her. I wonder if someday she won't know who I am, I wish I could make her feel secure but in her mind, she goes places I can't be, all I can do is be there when she comes back....

Tools of the Trade

Guess what I got for Valentine's day, come on...guess... Give up, okay I will not keep you in suspense any longer...

I got a shovel and a rake. I kid you not... My husband spent 1 1/2 hours (while I took my son to a birthday party at Inflatable World, and chased him around for 3 hours...) cruising the aisles at Home Depot and thought this would be the perfect Valentine's day gift...

Don't worry, he is still alive, mostly because even though I was not in a great mood on Valentine's day ( I just wasn't feeling very loving or loveable... ) I CHOSE to look a little deeper, and I am so glad I did...

-He bought that shovel so he could start leveling the dirt in our backyard so he could start working on the patio he wants to build for us to sit in the back and spend time together. He actually paid money for something that is going to cause him many hours of hard labor so that we could benefit from all his work, he loves us that much.

- He bought a rake so that he could clean the fallen leaves from our front yard so that everytime we drove up in front or our house, that he works very hard to provide for us, we would feel a sense of pride knowing that this was our home. So not only does he work hard to provide us with a home, he wants to keep it looking nice for us.

-I know many of you will find this hard to believe, but I have actually used a shovel before, and it is hard to use and anything you need a shovel for is NOT going to be fun, it is going to be WORK. And yes, I have used a rake, that was a punishment when we were growing up, raking leaves...I hated it, even though we didn't do it often. Both of these tools hurt your back, cause blisters and make for a lot of hard work... But he wasn't thinking about that, all he saw was his son running around on the grass in his yard and his wife relaxing on her patio watching him...and many many hours of time together...

- He spent almost two hours searching for exactly what he needed to start this, asking questions, finding out the best way to begin his projects because if it was for his family, he wanted to do it right... who could ask for more than that?

That shovel is strong, like my husband and that rake has a purpose, like my husband... and I feel truly blessed to have him to love.

So, I hope someday everyone gets a shovel and a rake for Valentine's day.

Catching up.....

Is there such a thing as catching up? I am really so tired of being tired that I just don't even want to think "I am sooooo tired". So much has been going on but for the most part, things should now slow down, at least as far as holidays and the calendar! Noah had his valentines day party at school today, as usual the Sauceda's were late for Friday morning mass at school... I decided to try and work through lunch one day of the week so I could attend mass with Noah's class on Friday mornings. It is just such a beautiful mass, the kids singing, all the little ones gathered, when you see that, and hear their little voices in prayer it just feels you with a hope and sense of peace that is indescribable. Great way to start off the last day of the work week. It is a sacrifice but I am so happy that we have sent Noah to 3k school at our church, it makes me feel good knowing that he is surrounded by people that are building his faith. With all the bad things that are happening in our world today, it is nice...to have a small glimpse of heaven in the innocence of children. On that note, peace and love to you until next post. God Bless

Happy 4th Bday Noah Croix

Today my baby turned 4, I took the day off to spend with him...and I am worn out, more details tomorrow. Funny: He overheard us talking about the fact that now he has to get a shot that is due at 4 years and he decided he is going to skip 4 and go straight to 7... smart boy! Gotta love that kid...

zoom zoOM ZOOM

Take a deep breath, breathe in...breathe out.... let all the tension leave your body, that's it...relax... just relax... ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Ha Ha.... Well okay, today 4sure...was a Monday, I mean I actually HAD to make myself stay focused because I had so much I had to get done at work... Our big conference is next week and I still needed to order all the supplies, verify the awards, I still have to do certificates, i still have to finalize the rooms and i still have 50 rooms to fill and i still have to do a lot a lot too much... Johnny leaves for retreat on Thursday, I have to make sure I have all his laundrey done before then so he can pack, I leave for Dallas on Monday and won't be back until Friday, I have a project due at work before I leave on Friday that I haven't even started, I am still trying to figure out HOW my name got put on the volunteer list for the Casino Night Auction at Noah's school, so in between everything else today I managed to round up 14 items to auction, now I just need to get them all picked up before Friday. Noah starts little dribblers practice this week and has a game Saturday, the orders for his Valentines at school are due by Friday so I have to get copies to everyone in the family because my child can't be the only kid in class that does not get a delivery.... damn those student council fundraisers. His actual birthday is Wednesday so even though i busted butt to have his party this past Saturday I STILL HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FOR HIS ACTUAL BDAY ON Wednesday. AND thanks to some wonderful Mom at school who started the trend that every mother has to follow now or she is a bad mom... I have to send cupcakes and pizza for Noah's class at school AND make them treat bags... because Lord knows I will not be the Mom that breaks the cycle.... I just know this is the same mom who decided to bake muffins when it was her turn for snack day and of course, anyone that followed her looked like the lazy mom... But it's okay, because me and two other moms are determined to find out who she is and let her know that she is KILLING US AND NEEDS TO GET A LIFE!