Love is patient

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
---Ephesians 4:2

If you haven’t seen the movie Fireproof, you need to…married or not, the basis of this movie is to love… I almost hate to put this down but if my husband reads it…oh well, I went and got the book, The Love Dare that the movie is based on, and I have actually had it for over a week and hadn’t found the right day to start it so I am starting today. After reading the introduction to the book and the first day’s ‘dare’, it has already really been very emotional for me, I am sure because of everything that has transpired in the last few weeks.

Love is a decision, not a feeling…it is a choice that you have to make every single moment, to love unconditionally…

My most angelic and wonderful friend Alice was the first person that told me that phrase… Love is a decision, think about it… You have to DECIDE to love someone because feelings come and go, but making the choice to love no matter what…THAT is what the whole point is… to decide to love your spouse… good times or bad, sweet or grouchy… no matter what. But it carries over to every part of your life really, no matter what we go through with my Mom or anyone in my family for that matter, I have decided to love them unconditionally…because there will be days (and even weeks) that I don’t like them at all, but I will ALWAYS love them. Who doesn’t want that kind of guarantee? I have to be willing to live my words if I expect to get that kind of love in return, which is the point of the book right? Most importantly, I have a small little piece of heaven that God has entrusted to me that looks to me as an example, who sees how I live every day and will repeat the actions I show him… so I MUST show him love…unconditional love that is…

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3

Day 1: Love is patient

Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. it understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time than they deserve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the tough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under pressure…

Welcome Baby Dominic!!!

There is nothing more precious than seeing a new born baby. Welcome to the newest member of our family, my great-nephew Dominic, isn't he absolutely beautiful! Sweet Sweet Boy....

MORE...by Matthew West

Take a look at the mountains
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of Me
Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am
And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look around you
I'm spelling it out one by one
(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more
Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to Me
And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone
(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more
Shine for Me
Shine for Me
Shine on, shine on
Shine for Me
(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more
(Chorus)
Than the sun
and the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you, yesterday and today
Through the joy and the pain
I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more
And I see you
And I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me

God's Plan

Pray in the Spriti on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying.
Ephesians 6:18

I am so tired, but not just the physical kind of tired, my soul is tired and weary. I have been trying to type this entry for days and haven’t been able to, but I need to…

I have to say that this journey with Mom and this monster called dementia is not and will not be easy and it is taking a toll on me, my family and my sisters.

…but, I see God at work here and I KNOW above anything that this thing that I see as awful is a part of his master plan for me and my family, and my Mom is letting God work through her. I kept telling myself that I know if Mom was in her right frame of mind she would never want to put us through this, but I know also that if God wanted to use her, she would throw herself at his feet….

God did this so that (those of every nation) would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.
Acts 17:27

What is the good in this? We are a family. I know that sounds stupid and simple but really…it is… You see I think before we each had our families, but we weren’t A family, we walked away instead of walking together when things were not how we felt they should be… we didn’t check in on each other and we honestly couldn’t have told anyone how one of us in particular were doing. I mean we each are close to one or the other in a way but not ALL of us together. Through this journey we have had no choice but to rely on each other, to talk to each other daily, to be there to listen, support and love each other…. We don’t have a choice, and I see that God knew that. Not that we wouldn’t or couldn’t love each other like we should, but I don’t think that we would have had the kind of love for each other that would have sustained us as a family if my Mom was not here. She…is our only tie to each other, and should she have left this world sooner or unexpectedly I don’t think we would have remained close, it would have been the end of my immediate family. I truly believe that God and my Mom are forcing us to build a firm and sustainable foundation to keep our family together because I can honestly say now, I don’t know what I would do without my sisters…ALL of them, they truly are my rock and I love them with all my heart… Believe me, we still fight, and get frustrated with each other and say things we shouldn’t I am sure but then, we get over it, because we know that despite our differences in opinion…we need one another, we love one another so we have to forgive one another and work together.

The LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper?
Genesis 4:9

The answer to this scripture is YES, we are each our brothers keeper. We have to be Jesus to each other, simple as it may seem we need to continuously ask ourselves “what would Jesus do”. When I think of how my heavenly father would send his beloved son to die for MY sins, it takes my breathe away… I am not worthy, but he loves me anyway and would do it anyway… How awesome is that.

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures Forever.
Psalm 136:1

Am I my mother’s keeper? YES, she may have not been the perfect mom but who is perfect…but HIM…

God is light and in him there is no darkness at all.
1 John 1:5

I think even though there are times when my mom is caught in this place of confusion, and yes, even when she is kicking and punching or extremely agitated… that there is hope, because when things are at their worst, we have to pull closer to each other because we have to draw from the love we have as a family to make it through these times, we have to talk it out constantly, pick each other up, listen to each other and most importantly reassure each other that things will surely get better.

It is hard because I don’t remember my mom being very patient with us and my older sisters see her in these rages and they see the mom that was familiar to them. So sometimes we have to be the sisters that took care of each other to make it through the rough spots. But honestly, I couldn’t ask for a better support system than my sisters.

Paul wrote, “ I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”
Philippians 4:11

I have started reading books, with words that I can’t even pronounceJ that help me to understand this illness, and it has helped to open my eyes, to see that this… is just the beginning and that this journey will be long… which means we need to be strong, for each other, for our families and for Jane, because I know in my heart, that she wouldn’t want to be a burden but she too has no choice but to depend on us. So we will walk, with each other and hold on even when we feel like letting go and we will take each day as it comes, with its smiles, trials and most assuredly with our Jesus who has been with us all along.

Just a day at the races

Mom and Noah at the Horse Races... so cute...

Conversation with God

I am so tired and scared, please God, please bring her sleep, let her rest, calm her down, I can't get up not one more time and put her back into bed....I am so scared.... I worry so much that these nurses are going to want her to leave this nursing home and then what?

God, I know there is nothing greater and bigger than you, I believe with every ounce of my being that you are the beginning and the end, the Great I Am... Nothing Lord, nothing is stronger and more powerful than you, not even this awful disease that takes hold of my Mom. I am throwing myself at your feet, asking that you please comfort her, comfort me.... I love her, I know you are here with me but I feel so desperate... I have to believe that in my heart of hearts she would never want to make our lives hard... Please God, fill us with your peace...whenever this disease tries to play tricks on her mind...lead her to your peaceful waters so that she can be calmed, don't let her go Jesus, don't let her go....

Blue...

“If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also.”
John 14:3

My heart is so heavy because my Mom is sad today. I just got a call from the nursing home, Mom asked her therapist to call me, her therapist said she was very sad and she had gone to get her for therapy and found her in her room crying. A nursing home is a sad place when you first come in, all these people who for the most part at some point in their lives led normal lives. They had jobs, they had friends and they went out to lunch and just lived their lives just like we do. Now they are confined to this place that is their home, gone is the furniture that they furnished their houses with, they don’t have their kitchen to walk to and grab a cup of coffee, they don’t check their mail and they can’t lay on the couch and have a movie night, at least not the way they used to.

I was visiting Mom on Monday and she was trying to get up from her bed and I said “Mom, where are you going?”…her reply…”I am going to the kitchen to get something for Noah to snack on…” broke my heart a million times…

I know it doesn’t have to be sad, and I have actually made a lot of ‘friends’ at the nursing home and enjoy kidding with the staff, but knowing that I can’t go to my mom’s house is so hard… and this is all so fresh that it will take time to mourn our old way of living and embrace this new chapter but I know with God’s love and reassurance it will happen.

Today it is rainy and cloudy outside and that is how I feel in my heart, but I know we will get through this and I know life will go on, different than before…but good.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Sunday!!! I had decided that not only is it important to share events, but also special people. Everyone needs to know how special they are to someone, it's so important to make people feel good.

So I decided I will start a new feature on my blog called 'Friend Friday', to add to the confusion this week I am doing it on Sunday... Haha. I meant to sit down and work on this Friday evening but trying to get ready for my Johnny and Vinnies bday party took up all my evening.... I did it to myself actually because i am trying not to plop my son in front of the TV to keep him occupied and that meant he required ALOT more attention... Just can't win :)

So here we go with Friend Friday...on Sunday.

This is LeeAnn, She is my husband Johnny's cousin...and mine now too! What a perfect person to start off with since she is the one who when I had mentioned that I would like to have a blog (which at the time I only kind of knew what one was), she continued to ask me when I wanted her to set it up for me....until one day i said Let's Do It Today!

LeeAnn is a genuinely good and sweet person, I don't think she has a mean bone in her body. Johnny has always felt like she was a sister to him and we have gotten to be really close in recent months, in fact...last weekend she actually moved just a few blocks away from us so we are neighbors now!

From meeting LeeAnn when Johnny and I were just friends to now, she is not the same person, she has blossomed and is embracing her singlehood (any hunks out there that are looking...she is a real catch!). She is an amazing woman with a beautiful spirit, a loving and wonderful mom and you coulding find someone more sincere and caring.

Her only downfall, she really does eat wheat germ!? I mean I have heard of it but seriously, all those healthy things that you would hear about and think..UGH, I guarantee LeeAnn has eaten or still eats it... She loves to excercise and even though she encourages her healthy lifestyle, she truly respects everyone for who they are... but if you want to go for a walk or try something crazy to eat...She is your girl.

She is an beautiful woman and friend...we love her a lot.

Saving Jane

“Oh no you never let go, through the calm and through the storm, oh no you never let go, every high and every low…Oh no you never let go of me..”

The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke defines dementia as:
“…[A] word for a group of symptoms caused by disorders that affect the brain. It is not a specific disease. People with dementia may not be able to think well enough to do normal activities, such as getting dressed or eating. They may lose their ability to solve problems or control their emotions. Their personalities may change. They may become agitated or see things that are not there.”

Memory loss is a common symptom of dementia. However, memory loss by itself does not mean you have dementia. People with dementia have serious problems with two or more brain functions, such as memory and language.

Many different diseases can cause dementia, including Alzheimer's disease and stroke. Drugs are available to treat some of these diseases.

The most common form of dementia is Alzheimer’s disease. Alzheimer’s disease is progressive, which means that it worsens over time. It causes areas of the brain to shrink and is fatal. The disease has three stages: mild, moderate and severe. The resulting symptoms start with memory loss and other cognitive deficits, advancing to major personality changes and eventual loss of control over bodily functions.

I call my mom Jane because I think it is so cute, she is a strong woman, definitely a survivor.

In June of 2008 we took my Mom to the doctor, she had been getting more confused, even though she has always been forgetful, all of us are and so we kept saying it was normal…for us at least. She started to get worse, forgetting where she parked the car, running out of gas, leaving things on the stove while they were cooking. I think my sisters and I knew in our hearts it was something more but we just didn’t know how to handle it, so we scheduled a doctor’s appointment, and they referred us to a Neurologist who scheduled tests and told us that Mom definitely had Dementia and the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. I remember walking out of the Doctor’s office feeling like I couldn’t breathe and not wanting to show my fear to Mom, but I wanted to just run...I needed to get her home, so I could cry because I didn’t want to do that in front of her… All I knew for sure was that I was going to lose the Mom I knew and there was nothing I could do to stop it. From there to where we are now has been a long road, there is so much I want to say, but mostly right now it is about not losing Jane.

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I wanted to update last night but my computer was not cooperating. Here is a beautiful prayer from a beautiful friend to hold you over til i have time...


Dear Lord, I thank You for this day,
I thank You for my being able to see
and to hear this morning.
I'm blessed because You are
a forgiving God and
an understanding God.
You have done so much for me
and You keep on blessing me.
Forgive me this day for everything
I have done, said or thought
that was not pleasing to you.
I ask now for Your forgiveness.
Please keep me safe
from all danger and harm.
Help me to start this day
with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.
Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.
Please broaden my mind
that I can accept all things.
Let me not whine and whimper
over things I have no control over.
And give me the best response
when I'm pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can't pray,
You listen to my heart.
Continue to use me to do Your will.
Continue to bless me that I may be
a blessing to others.
Keep me strong that I may help the weak....
Keep me uplifted that I may have
words of encouragement for others.
I pray for those that are lost
and can't find their way.
I pray for those that are misjudged
And misunderstood.
I pray for those who
don't know You intimately.
I pray for those that will delete this
Without sharing it with others
I pray for those that don't believe.
But I thank You that I believe
That God changes people and
God changes things.
I pray for all my sisters and brothers.
For each and every family member
In their households.
I pray for peace, love and joy
in their homes; that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.
I pray that every eye that reads this
knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God.
Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight.
I pray that these words be received
into the hearts of every eye that sees it In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen!

Wordless Wednesday

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