Tuesday ....

Okay so our week got off to a really rough start, Sunday night I was putting Noah to bed and was half asleep myself and I hear this crumbling sound, almost like a tree falling, and it got louder… I jumped out of bed and started yelling for Johnny and he was already there and we couldn’t figure out where the sound was coming from and then he saw it, our floor in the kitchen…the tile was coming up. We started checking for water thinking a pipe had busted and Johnny put pressure on the tiles and it was dry and no sloshing underneath. So far there are no cracks on the wall which would indicate the foundation, I am going to call the house insurance today but in my heart, I am a natural worrier and I was completely absorbed by panic and was so relieved that my honey was home because I don’t know what I would have done if it had happened when he was gone. Right now we have had so much rain for over a month it seems like everything is wet, our backyard looks mushy and with the news reporting houses falling because the ground is saturated all I could dream about was my house being swallowed up by some huge sinkhole. Monday was not a good day, I was so down in the dumps about the whole thing… Johnny and I both were because we are just constantly thinking and worrying about it. Makes me really think back so much on being a kid, and realizing now how my Mom and Dad must have struggled with seven kids, it changes your perspective, wondering how they made it then and to know the innocence of childhood when you cannot grasp the responsibilities of providing for your families needs. I can remember wanting the Nike and Kaepa (I know I just aged myself) tennis shoes and wishing I had the ‘in’ stuff to wear, I was lucky just to get new clothes and sometimes not even that. I imagine looking back through my Mom’s eyes and feeling her anxiety knowing school is getting ready to start and having no idea what to put on her kids or whether or not there will be money for clothes or more importantly school supplies. I remember getting free lunch, but I don’t remember being embarrassed about it… I do remember that everything they made had onions and I hated onions (oh the priorities). I remember not buying pictures on picture day or taking envelopes with change, my mom was famous for saving change and stocking up on cans. I remember that every Christmas my mom bought me the same thing for the gift exchange at school, one of those books with lifesaver candies in it… I can’t even look at those today, I do remember trying to put mine under the tree quickly so that when whoever picked that present got it I could play dumb when they complained about it not being a toy, and secretly excited that I would get a toy from someone else! I used to think that I had a really bad childhood, now I know that God had a plan all along… he has opened my eyes to see things more clearly, to not look back with sadness but to be amazed at the love our parents showed by doing the best they could, just like we do now. So last night was our night to go to adoration, and it was surely needed, I needed to be in the presence of God so that he could remind me to focus on the blessings and not the trials, to keep my eyes on him despite the bumps in the road. Because you see, everyone is fighting battles, we each have our crosses that we carry no matter the size… I visited a friend who had to ask me to help her fix her clothes, she couldn’t even pull up her pants or adjust her shirt because she has been through so much chemo she has no muscles left, very little strength and she is still here by the grace of God. And she smiled, and wanted to know how I was doing… because you see, despite everything she has been through, she keeps her eyes focused on something greater than her own crosses, I left feeling ashamed for the insignificant worries that I held on to, and remembering that visit reminds me to be grateful for every moment and adventure life brings our way because in the end… All that matters is God.