God's Plan

Pray in the Spriti on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying.
Ephesians 6:18

I am so tired, but not just the physical kind of tired, my soul is tired and weary. I have been trying to type this entry for days and haven’t been able to, but I need to…

I have to say that this journey with Mom and this monster called dementia is not and will not be easy and it is taking a toll on me, my family and my sisters.

…but, I see God at work here and I KNOW above anything that this thing that I see as awful is a part of his master plan for me and my family, and my Mom is letting God work through her. I kept telling myself that I know if Mom was in her right frame of mind she would never want to put us through this, but I know also that if God wanted to use her, she would throw herself at his feet….

God did this so that (those of every nation) would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.
Acts 17:27

What is the good in this? We are a family. I know that sounds stupid and simple but really…it is… You see I think before we each had our families, but we weren’t A family, we walked away instead of walking together when things were not how we felt they should be… we didn’t check in on each other and we honestly couldn’t have told anyone how one of us in particular were doing. I mean we each are close to one or the other in a way but not ALL of us together. Through this journey we have had no choice but to rely on each other, to talk to each other daily, to be there to listen, support and love each other…. We don’t have a choice, and I see that God knew that. Not that we wouldn’t or couldn’t love each other like we should, but I don’t think that we would have had the kind of love for each other that would have sustained us as a family if my Mom was not here. She…is our only tie to each other, and should she have left this world sooner or unexpectedly I don’t think we would have remained close, it would have been the end of my immediate family. I truly believe that God and my Mom are forcing us to build a firm and sustainable foundation to keep our family together because I can honestly say now, I don’t know what I would do without my sisters…ALL of them, they truly are my rock and I love them with all my heart… Believe me, we still fight, and get frustrated with each other and say things we shouldn’t I am sure but then, we get over it, because we know that despite our differences in opinion…we need one another, we love one another so we have to forgive one another and work together.

The LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper?
Genesis 4:9

The answer to this scripture is YES, we are each our brothers keeper. We have to be Jesus to each other, simple as it may seem we need to continuously ask ourselves “what would Jesus do”. When I think of how my heavenly father would send his beloved son to die for MY sins, it takes my breathe away… I am not worthy, but he loves me anyway and would do it anyway… How awesome is that.

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures Forever.
Psalm 136:1

Am I my mother’s keeper? YES, she may have not been the perfect mom but who is perfect…but HIM…

God is light and in him there is no darkness at all.
1 John 1:5

I think even though there are times when my mom is caught in this place of confusion, and yes, even when she is kicking and punching or extremely agitated… that there is hope, because when things are at their worst, we have to pull closer to each other because we have to draw from the love we have as a family to make it through these times, we have to talk it out constantly, pick each other up, listen to each other and most importantly reassure each other that things will surely get better.

It is hard because I don’t remember my mom being very patient with us and my older sisters see her in these rages and they see the mom that was familiar to them. So sometimes we have to be the sisters that took care of each other to make it through the rough spots. But honestly, I couldn’t ask for a better support system than my sisters.

Paul wrote, “ I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”
Philippians 4:11

I have started reading books, with words that I can’t even pronounceJ that help me to understand this illness, and it has helped to open my eyes, to see that this… is just the beginning and that this journey will be long… which means we need to be strong, for each other, for our families and for Jane, because I know in my heart, that she wouldn’t want to be a burden but she too has no choice but to depend on us. So we will walk, with each other and hold on even when we feel like letting go and we will take each day as it comes, with its smiles, trials and most assuredly with our Jesus who has been with us all along.